Alright everybody do the Bacon Shake!
Alright everybody do the Bacon Shake!
"Let’s start, babe."
maeglinhiei - MY BRAIN HAS FALLEN RIGHT INTO THE GUTTER AND I CAN’T FIND IT. I BLAME YOU. SEND HELP.
So the point of this exercise, as Tony liked to put it, wasn’t to show up the two Really Old Guys and make them realize that they ought to retire.
Seriously, Tony wasn’t blind and despite all the senior citizen jokes, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes were pretty much on the right side of young, fit and smoking hot. He was also familiar with the Three Rules regarding America’s Sweetheart and America’s Oldest Heartthrob and would have to admit that he was solidly set upon Rule No. 3. Which was okay, since everyone else on the planet was crushing on the good captain and his sergeant. Nice to know he wasn’t alone and all that.
The point was that they needed to test the combat fitness and teamwork of Captain America and the newly reclaimed Winter Soldier. Tony, by the way, had JARVIS archive the priceless footage of Steve Rogers planting his feet by the river of truth (quote unquote) and proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that James Buchanan Barnes could not be held truly responsible for his actions as HYDRA’s pet assassin. He was the country’s longest held POW, subject to unimaginable torment and brainwashing, and yeah - at the end of it, Tony was fairly sure Steve would’ve been elected President of the United States if he wanted to, the show of support was so overwhelming.
So anyway. Retraining. Getting Cap and Bucky back in the saddle against the Forces of Evil. And also this was a GIANT FUCK YOU to HYDRA and the long dead Obadiah Stane for what they’d forced Barnes to do to Tony’s parents - never mind Daddy Issues.
Tony sets up the ginormous Training Room (“room” was an understatement but it had to do) which he referred to as “The Jungle” because he pretty much had classic G n’ R playing while he designed the place. The Room could be set up to simulate any environment, any structure for a nearly infinite number of potential missions and ops. Happy and Maria Hill brought in the agents - carefully screened and processed to infinity because again, HYDRA - as opponents.
The objective for today was a rescue. Since Tony valued his balls and also hey, trying not to be a sexist pig here, Natasha wasn’t going to be the damsel in distress. Clint got the honors.
"Why do I gotta play Princess Toadstool?" Clint had whined. "I don’t even look good in a pink dress!"
"Because Nat will probably rescue herself in Real Life before the rest of us idiots can even get our acts together," Tony explained patiently. "And I’ll get you a purple dress if it makes you happy. Now go sit tight and wait for Mario and Luigi to come save you."
Naturally, Agent - no, Director Agent brought the popcorn.
thedragonheadgirl thia is alllll you
ohmygod this is amazing??
like maybe he was trying to find a job at one of the brothels because he heard the pay’s good and it’s becoming harder and harder to make ends meet and there’s a huge market for his body type, really. but then a man making his way home with some fresh groceries sees steve just standing outside the door, staring at it and biting his lip and willing himself to go in and the man stops and at first chastises him, thinking he’s a customer. but slowly he gets the truth through steve’s evasive mumbles and defiant posture and he says ‘come work for me.’
and it’s hard at first, it’s fast-paced and exhausting and he has to take far too many breaks but the people are so warm and genuine and welcoming, even the ones who he can’t understand. and where he lacks - with lifting the heavier dishes, unloading supplies - he makes up elsewhere, scrubs one too many tables, stays a few more hours (sometimes bucky comes in and keeps him company and eventually they end up doing dishes together, rinsing and drying in the rhythm that they have).
and it’s like, steve stumbling over the words a little at first but making a really conscious effort to learn the correct pronunciation of ‘pancit’ and ‘sinigang’. the boss handing him an extra thing of adobo during the long, cold winters, made special with chili dialed back for Steve’s delicate stomach. bucky and steve sitting in a back room and passing a dish of customer-rejected sisig back and forth while the owner’s daughter tries to teach them pick-up lines in tagalog. steve talking to the owner about the similarities and differences of being an Irish immigrant and a Filipino immigrant.
darthstitch have you seen this post yet?
Just imagine Steve learning to speak tagalog and then eventually finding out what the words gwapo or pogi means when he hears it constantly from the old grandmas or girls who gossip to each other in the restaurant about him and new drama in town.
Omg they would so call him tisoy/pogi/gwapito and he and bucky woukd be adopted just like that.
All night long
Spock secretly really loves stickers
Winner July 2013